Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just cut my nipple shaving
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
