youre lurking in front of me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
