You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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