next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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