So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
