nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
