If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
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I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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