Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
They took my balls.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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