Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
