I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
