just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
