You can't motorboat a personality
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
