Kiss
Puke
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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