he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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