We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
do nipples grow back?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
