I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
