i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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