if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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