i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
