Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize