I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
