I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
