Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
