A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
