Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
