need another drink. this is the easiest way
I bet he comes in French.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
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Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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