So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
