: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
