im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
