I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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