What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
