i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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