Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
