guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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