One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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