I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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