chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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