what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
