ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The air was thick with penises
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
