His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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