I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
