i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
