I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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