It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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