there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
