I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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