Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
