Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
