Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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