you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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