So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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