The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
3pm strippers are depressing
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
