I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
