i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
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Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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