Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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