Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
