is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
