i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
