i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm both gender and math confused
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
