making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
