I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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