dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
