Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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