in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
