I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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