She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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