I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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