Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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