I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
