Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize