she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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