as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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