I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize