Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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