nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
