I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
