the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
