they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
