i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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