There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
