his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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