she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They took my balls.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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