Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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