Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
