some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
