I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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