I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
