I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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