The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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