man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
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woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
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I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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