i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
